I think most of you will know what I mean when I say “blah” - it’s pretty much the opposite of feeling groovy.
I suppose not many have felt groovy since the sixties, but you know what I mean.
You are feeling blah if you feel a) deflated b) uninspired c) unmotivated d) unimpressed or most especially so if e) all of
the above.
Through high school and college, I was one of those annoyingly optimistic kids, the ones who believed it was actually possible to dream of changing the world. In college, I was stuck on this “Naya Nepal” someone conspired. And convinced myself it was possible for the world to go green, eat only organic food, and even celebrate the disarmament of nuclear technology (for the sake of war, not energy - we need to develop it for the latter. I think that’s what I think anyway).
In each social group - whether at school, work, or play - there is always someone who is the optimist, chirpy person I used to be.
That someone is always too eager to share thoughts, offer suggestions and volunteer for any old thing. I look back at the glass-is-always-half-full self I was and I smirk. What a naïve fool I think I was.
Then I look back at what I am looking back on and can’t decide which phase is more pathetic. And yet life has a funny way of having the universe console you.
When I left Nepal in 1991, at six-and-a-half, I left behind people without being able to comprehend the special factor of friendship.
There was superficial and deep bonding that occurred in attending birthday parties (dressed in obligatory frills), sneakily eating titaura (banned by our parents) and exploring the stacks of wood logs in empty lots in the less than bustling Satdobato of a previous decade.
In those days before the Internet took over our world, we didn’t have Facebook or even email to keep in touch. Fast forward twenty years and in 2011, I ran into my oldest “bestest” friend.
It seems while I’ve become a cynic these past few years, she has developed a case of being on a constant high. I’m amused. How could she always have a smile plastered on her face? Didn’t the traffic, lewd comments, political gridlock and heck, the end of the world bother her?
The other day as she walked into the Higher Ground Cafe joyfully yelling “Hey guys!”, I SSHHHed her and she laughed, threw her happy hands into the air to ask, “Some days don’t you just wake up feeling like you can change the world?” I couldn’t even pretend I agreed. Thank goodness, I refrained from rolling my eyes. “No, no one can change the world. That’s just you having slept well and drinking a strong cup of coffee in the
morning.”
She was unfazed. She would be. She ignored my snarky comment (as most should) and giggled at the artwork she’d made on her Converse shoes while I moaned, groaned, and complained. It was too hot, too dusty, too cold, too damp. Did I mention I was feeling blah? Again?
Feeling uninspired and unmotivated is the worst feeling in the world. But having friends like Miss Sunshine is half like a slap and half like a hug.
If you’re chirpy and cheerful - pity the poor souls like me and bear with us. But if you’re the party-pooper, try not to spread your cynicism - it’s tempting, I should know, but as a fellow blogger over at shethinkstoherself.wordpress.com reminds us in her infinite wisdom and insight - there is a lot of shit in Nepal, lots more in Kathmandu, but for all the pain and dirt, this place is full of, there are also lots of exciting adventures, creative souls and good food in this city.
I got a call from Republica earlier today gently requesting I hand in my blog before nightfall. Feeling blah, I threw a few topics at them, but eventually decided I can’t blog about things I don’t feel. When I’m blogging and not writing as an academic, reporter or whatever other forms of writing that dictate objectivity and distancing yourself from the topic - I have to be honest. Right now I am trying not to feel blah.
I’ve got two weeks before I submit another blog for them - let’s hope I’m a little more inspired then. Till then, don’t take my lead: instead, stay groovy Kathmandu!
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