Similarly, just as dowry-related violence against women is very common in parts of Nepal, men lament that their ´insufficient´ income or low economic status irks their wives quite a bit.[break]
Among a total of 61 cases of domestic violence against women registered at the National Women´s Commission and WOREC, a women´s rights NGO, 37 women were beaten up. Beating is one of five different categories of violence women are subjected to.
On the other hand, all the males whom the women´s commission determined as ´genuine victims´ of domestic violence lamented that they are verbally and emotionally tortured by their partners, basically because they were not able to meet the latter´s ´aspirations´.
The women´s commission does not formally register or look into cases of violence against men, but "counseling is done for both genders as per need", states legal counselor Deepa Acharya. “Though people might find it hard to believe, it is so true that some men suffer badly at the hands of their women. We deal with at least one such case every month.”
Men do not go to the women´s commission on their own to sort out their problems. According to staff at the commission´s legal department, the husband is often summoned after hearing the grievances of a complaining spouse. “In course of time, we sometimes come to learn that the male is innocent and has been victimized by the female instead.
Some women are so clever and treacherous that all they want is the man´s property and they humiliate him constantly to get rid of him after ridding him of his property.”
Emotional abuse is something that kills you from inside, says 38-year-old Hira Ratna Bajracharya, who got a divorce from wife last month. “When you are not trusted or respected by your own, life becomes meaningless. Constant abuse kills your spirit.”
The Kathamndu-based auditor by profession states that his conjugal life would have been different had he been able to meet his partner´s dreams and desires. “If you are male and not rich enough, there are very high chances that your marriage will falter; you will never be valued for what you are,” Bajracharya believes.
According to Keshab Mishra (name changed), a lecturer at Kanya Campus in Kathmandu until recently, he chose to go for a divorce as he could no longer tolerate his wife´s abuses, which were basically of an emotional nature.
“Physical abuse was there also, but that was hardly as painful as the verbal accusations. The entire feel good factor in a relationship vanishes when you are emotionally targetted every time,” he says. In his case, it was less a question of property and more a matter of ´trust deficit´, he adds.
The women´s commission reports that cases of violence against males are slowly rising, and sociologist Ganeshman Gurung is not surprised. He believes the problem must actually be rampant in urban society but is not much reported yet.
“You see how a male and a female are groomed in our society. An average female strongly believes that it is her husband´s duty to fulfill her every wish. Such women curse themselves if their husbands are not sufficiently well to do. Unable then to cope with their situation in our highly commercialized age, many women tend to act violently.
"If the husband is tolerant towards such a wife, humiliation or emotional abuse becomes part of his life. And emotional abuse can be more destructive in the long run though there might not be any visible scar.”
So far, neither society nor the government seems to have taken any interest in the sufferings of such men, and so there is a lack of accurate data on the problem.
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