There’s one girl at school who’s nice to me but whom I find simply annoying. We’re both in the same class, so I have to bear her company the whole day. She’s also in my friends’ circle and it means that I cannot be rude to her because my friends wouldn’t like that. I don’t know why she annoys me, but maybe it’s because I find her too loud and outspoken. Should I tell my friends I don’t want to hang out with her or should I find a way to bear with her?
– Confused
I think this happens to quite a lot of us – we simply can’t stand some people for reasons that we don’t understand. That’s probably why people often call it “purva janamko dushmani” – our enemy from past life – because there’s simply no other reason in this current life that could explain our irritation and annoyance. However, I think that it could also happen to us with people we don’t share our values – if I think one should be very mindful while speaking and the other person simply doesn’t think before speaking, it contributes to the way I feel towards him/her. Sometimes, we get annoyed with people who have some skills that we wish we had but we don’t. For example, I could be annoyed by outgoing people because I’m very shy and I never developed that ability to connect to people instantly. Dig deep into your soul and find out the reason why you might be feeling annoyed. There’s nothing wrong in feeling the way you do. Just find out why, and the truth shall set you free.
Dear Swastika,
My father drinks a lot and it’s been creating troubles in my family. I don’t want to say much but I hope you can understand what angry drunk men can do. I have two elder brothers and none of us can talk to him as he’s very unapproachable even when he is sober. We have a shop which my eldest brother looks after, so my father has all the free time in the world to do as he pleases – drink! My mother is helpless. Could you advise?
– Kiran
I’m really sorry. I know how frustrating this situation is. When something like this happens, it’s natural for your brothers to give up on their father and go about their own business by trying not to be affected by him. The question is what do you want to do, and are you ready to give what it takes? You have a choice – to ignore him, make the best of your life, become independent first, and then take care of your mother just like what your brothers seem to be doing. If you want to make this right for your father, remember that it takes years to bring back a family member back to their senses once they lose track in life. It takes a lot of personal strength, perseverance, and patience – talking to your family on ways to support him, getting him the help he needs, fighting back with him when necessary, and loving him enough to help him lead a better life. Chose a path – there is no right or wrong – and then stick to it.
Dear Swastika,
Since I’m the youngest of four children in my family, I’m always being bossed around by everyone. I’m in grade 12 and they all have their own plans for me. I want to study architecture but I’m told to choose either medicine or law. My brother and sisters were good in their studies and they have good careers now and it’s adding to the pressure. My parents always side with them and my voice is drowned amongst theirs. I’m stressed out. Please help.
– Stressed
There are many perks as well as pains for being the youngest in the family, aren’t there? One pain is that elders always look at you as a child who needs to be constantly protected, guided, and spoon-fed. But you are not alone in the battle of the youngest child. I have three words for you – Prove, Communicate, and Understand. It’s important for adults to see that we have what it takes to be successful. Thus Prove – bring home good results, awards, recognitions, or even just certificates of participation or blood donation. Communicate – be assertive – “I can do this because I’ve read the instructions,” or “I have to make my own mistakes so I can learn the way you learned.” Then always always always Understand – tell them, “I know you tell me what to do because you love me and you don’t want to see me get hurt…but….” (Here, communicate your need for independence and control over your life.) Good luck. I’ve fought this battle, I am sure you can too. (Smile)
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